Anticipation

So here we are. After months of preparations, wondering, dreaming...it seems the end is so close. It's palpable. I can feel it in the air, in my bones. As I was walking the dog earlier and caught a glance of the moon through the clouds I felt it. Something really big is about to happen. I can't shake the dull sense of anticipation, of longing in my heart. It can't be too long now, can it?

My lovely wife is actually full term today, and there is a full moon. More importantly, she has been contracting more and more frequently leaving us waiting, wondering when our sweet child will make her debut into the world.

It seems fitting that this is all happening a week before Advent. The dull sense of anticipation I'm feeling, alone side all the preparations is exactly what this season is about. Advent is the time of anticipation, of preparations, of waiting. Sometimes during the Advent season we have to wait. We've made all the preparations we can and with pregnant anticipation; we wait. And I suspect, just like with the birth of my daughter (hopefully coming soon), what we are waiting for is so much bigger and more wonderful than anything we can imagine. Of course, I'm not saying that my daughter compares to the birth of the incarnate God, but in a much smaller way my daughter's birth will be life changing. The birth of the Jesus was, is, and always will be life changing.

But we can't get ahead of ourselves. We have to make the preparations we can. Build that dresser/changing table. Decorate that room. Dismantle the office/spare room. Etc... But we get to a point where we just have to wait and see how much our lives will change at the birth of a child. At the birth of the incarnate Word of God, but you can't rush that birth. No amount of spicy foods or walking can make the baby come, but it doesn't hurt to try these things to jump start the process. What are the preparation you need to make before you encounter the Christ, the living Word of God? How much can you do? And when do you just have to wait for God to come?

Renewal

I often give talks about hearing God's voice using things like the 1 Kings passage with a still small voice. Lately, I have really struggled to hear the still small voice. By the way, some translations say sheer silence instead of a still small voice or gentle whisper. I maybe have heard the sheer silence instead. I have struggled to do what I'm asking people to do all the time. Sit and listen for God. Look for the work God is doing in this world and see God's face in the world.

I don't know if I have been too busy and too negligent to my spiritual needs. I need some of the water Jesus offered the woman at the well. I need some living water flowing over my body. I need to remember my baptism and be thankful. I need to immerse myself deep within the being of our God and come back out ready to expand my life to something that looks more like God's life.

I am reminded of an article that I read long ago about Mother Teresa. She did many wonderful things, and dedicated her life to helping other people. She really was an amazing and faithful woman. This article though told of a woman who heard God's call to start a ministry in India, then she never felt or heard Jesus calling to her again. She was insecure about that. It really hurt her, yet she kept doing the work that was in front of her. She kept working for God and giving all the glory to God. She felt God was absent, yet she stayed faithful.

I had a youth not too long ago talk about how he doesn't really feel God that often. He does really feel that God is saying much in worship services. He sometimes questions whether God exists, yet he is faithfully attending church and youth group. Sometimes though at kind of random times, during class or elsewhere, it all clicks and he gets how God is at work. They seem to be fleeting moments of clarity and understanding, but they come from time to time.

I have to say that I completely sympathize with that feeling. I over think things. I over think God. I love thinking about God and how God interacts with us, but sometimes all I do is think about God instead of being present with God. I used to have these mystical moments of clarity much like the youth above, which often lead to poetry or a feeling of purpose which was often vague.

I had a previous post about prayer, which was about praying ancient prayers. I still find great power in that, but I have not found the prayer book that works best for me. I don't follow the daily offices or anything. I'm not a protestant monk(should we start some of those?). Following God's call is a struggle sometimes and joy others, but I need to connect with God. It's not just about the ongoing call God has for my life, but for the renewing of my being for the nourishment of the soul. Without God, I don't believe that I can be truly human, or a true human. Truly living into what humanity is--beings who are created in the image of God. Connecting with God helps to renew that image so that we are truly human, emanating the divine truth to the world.

What do you do to connect with the Divine? What do you do to renew the image of God in your being? How do you best come to know the God who created you, loves you, and is constantly re-creating you into a more perfect being?

Peace,

mark

Sacred and Profane

What makes something sacred? What makes something profane? When does something switch over from being profane to sacred? Does it every fall back to profane again? I don't know if there is a good answer to all of this, but here are some of my thoughts.

There is a thin line between something being profane, or secular non-sacred, and being sacred or holy. This line is intent or motivation. My understanding is that there is no separation between creation and created except through the separations we created. I believe that God truly is all in all. God is in everything and everything is in God. Except that we sometimes intentionally push God out of things or reject God's existence in the world. We have the choice of how deeply we want to engage God in the world.

This means that everything has the potential of being sacred or holy because God is there in everything. Calling everything into a deeper existence in God. Anything you do, say, or places and things (nouns?) can be sacred or holy. The potential for holiness is incredibly high because God is present to us. Christ promises this at the end of Matthew's Gospel when he says, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matt. 28:20 NIV). Christ through his spirit is always present and always active around and in you, thus how can anything be anything other than sacred?

Although God is always present to the edges of the universe. We choose how much we are present to God in the world. We choose whether we can see the world as being filled with God, or if we are going to see the world as being void of Christ's presence. We are meant to offer up all of the world to God and see God's presence in the world thus communioning with God through God's creation. Instead, we exploit creation. Instead, we push God out of the way and view the world as something entirely other and lesser than God. So if our actions in the world are strictly about survival and not about bringing life than I would say those actions are profane. If our goals is not about connecting with God then we are probably profaning the world, which leads to death and destruction.

Our attention needs to be on God and God's presence in the world. Then our actions, our words, our nouns need to be focused on delving deeper into the presence of God in the world. This means that eating can be a holy act when done as a way to consume God's presence in your life. Sex, conversations, dancing, playing, listening, etc. can all be done as a way to make these acts sacred, but can also be a way to profane these acts. It's all about the why. Why are you doing this? To bring about communion with God or for selfish/"worldly" reasons. We can misuse anything making it profane and ungodly, but we can also use almost anything as way to offer blessings back to God.

Quick word about God's otherness and God's presence in the world. Just because God is present to us in creation does not mean that God does not transcend creation. I especially think of verse that say my ways are not your ways (Isaiah 55:8 for example). We cannot understand the mind of God. We cannot approach God in terms of knowing what creation holds for us. We cannot fathom God completely. God transcends our understanding, but we can know God as well as we can as created beings through Christ and through creation. God is available to us, but not to the extent that we can fully grasp God.

Peace,
Mark

Written Prayers: Inauthentic or Eucharistic

I've been thinking a lot about prayer over the past few months, and just came to the realization about my struggle with it. I hate asking for things. It's easier to ask for help for someone else, but asking for help is hard. I hate doing it. I will do it, but only when situations get out of control. Thus, things must be incredibly messed up before I really start to pray.

I know people say that prayer is just a conversation with God, but then we ask for prayer requests, which are always the things that are going wrong in people's lives. This implies that prayer is about asking God to help others. This kind of prayer just doesn't work for me. Yes, we should be asking God for help because we can't do it on our own, but that can't be it.

The other use of prayer that I often see is the prayer of thanksgiving. This is that prayer that is much like writing a thank you to your Grandma for sending ten bucks for Christmas. Thank you so much Grandma for the cash it was one fifth the amount of money I used to buy a new video game. I couldn't have done it without you. Love, Mark. Dear God, thanks for a beautiful day, which I used to sit an office and look outside at how pretty it was. Nature is awesome God, nice work! Amen. Of course, we should say thank you for the blessings we have in life. It's definitely an easier prayer, but it doesn't seem to get you anywhere in terms of a relationship.

Conversations are supposed to build relationships. They are supposed to help you get to know someone else better, and you are supposed to leave a conversation a slightly different person because you know something new. Your life is changed because of every conversation you have had. But prayer as described above leaves you with very little change. Relationships are not strengthened by simply listing things that are going wrong in people's lives (although admitting weakness is definitely a step toward building a relationship), and dictating a thank you note to the Holy Spirit. Doesn't this seem a little one-sided and individualistic?

I read some of a book on prayer called "Praying with the Church" by Scot McKnight. The author makes a distinction between praying in the church and praying with the church. Praying in the church, are those prayers that you say as an individual. These are prayers that are unique to you. These are important prayers, but they are not the only prayers you should be saying. These prayers are overly emphasized to the point of completely discounting the other form of prayer that McKnight expresses. Praying with the church are those prayers which connects you to the entire faith community. Not just the local church. Not just your denomination. But all Christians across time and space. The Lord's Prayer is an excellent example of this. But there are countless others from various traditions.

Don't discount the connection with others and with God that comes through written prayers. Some discount them as inauthentic, but that simply is not true. They are prayers that connect you to other people. They are prayers that have deep theology. They are prayers that fill you with awe because of how it transcends time. These prayers can connect you with God and with a first century Jewish Christian, a medieval monk, and/or a twentieth century thinker. It is a prayer that can fill you, can encompass you and bring you into communion with God and God's church! A church that spans all of time and all of space!

Therefore, I think it is incredibly important for you to not just say those individual prayers, which ask for help and say thank you, but look into prayer that will connect with more than your struggles and the struggles of the world. Experiment with different forms of prayer. Try praying the psalms. Try using a prayer book.

How is prayer most meaningful to you?

Funerals

Today was an interesting day, and it got me thinking about the funerals I have been to in my life. Of course, there are the grandparents' funerals which each hit me in a different way. Grandpa Angleton's hit me because I had never seen my older brother cry so much, and I realized how little I knew about my Grandpa. Grandma Angleton's for me wasn't as hard, but I couldn't help thinking about how we used to visit and she made fried chicken for us. It is still the best fried chicken I have ever eaten and always will be. At Grandma Welsh's funeral, it hit me just how similar my mother was to my grandma. It seemed she got all of Grandma's good qualities, and it made me realize the legacy she left that is going strong through all of us (her kids and grandkids). Grandpa Welsh's funeral I wasn't able to make it to, but for me it consisted of a shot of whiskey with some close seminary friends as tribute to a man who in the hospital at the end of life wanted one last shot of Canadian rye Whiskey, which he got by the way (he had a great nurse). Those friends made that remembrance something truly special. They didn't know him but celebrated his life through ritualizing an action from a story my mother had told me on the phone. It helped me realize how important friends are in our lives.

The largest funerals I have ever attended or been around were those of a professor in college and a high school friend. Let's start with the professor in college. His name was Paul Simon, no not the folk singer. He was Senator from Illinois for many years. After his time as Senator he taught at Southern Illinois University. It was my pleasure to have him as a professor the semester before he died. This man was active to the very end of his life, and if you want to walk and talk with him you had to walk quickly because his philosophy was that if you walk faster then you can get more done. It was a pleasure to have known him even briefly. His funeral was huge and televised. I got sick and didn't make the actual funeral but I watched on tv as thousands of people came to celebrate the life of a man who was always working for good for the people of this country. Sharing just a little bit of life with Paul Simon was interesting because his class although titled "The Legislative Process," should have been called "Uncle Paul's story time with friends." He really did let you into his world as much as he could through telling stories about his time in office, and letting you know what he believes should be the next thing done in the House or Senate. It was an amazing time, and I am glad that I had the chance to listen to his stories.

By far the most difficult, most interesting, most life-altering funeral I have ever attended was for my friend from high school, who committed suicide his sophomore year of college. The thing that really struck me about this funeral was the shear number of people who came out to the funeral. This young man always had a smile on his face. He always was talking to friends and family. He was always encouraging. He was a good person to have in your life. For whatever reason, he chose to end his own life. And everyone who cared about him came and packed my home church, which was his home church. As I was walking into the visitation before the funeral, I ran into a friend I had known from church. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and tears in his voice and said, "Man, it is heavy in there." What a simply phrase that summed it up beautifully. It was heavy in there. It was stifling the amount of grief that was in that room. I don't know what the pastor said in the front of the sanctuary. I don't know what you would say in that situation. I'm not sure anyone was listening that closely. Before I left the sanctuary, his ex-girlfriend gave me a hug and said in my ear, "You know he really looked up to you." I don't know what that was supposed to mean, but I took it as you are someone people look up to. Use your powers for good, not evil. Be the person you are supposed to be. Be the person that people look up to, can talk to, can emulate. Be the person that my friend always thought I was. Be the person God is calling you to be. That was how I spent my 21st birthday, and I'm glad that I was there instead of in some bar. I'm glad I was there with my friends sharing stories, supporting each other, loving each other. That is what we get out of funerals that we were all changed and touched by having known this person. It is a reminder of the community that we have now, and is a reminder of the promises that God has for us.

Today, I was at the church for a funeral of young woman who died of cancer at the age of 14. I didn't actually know her, but I was impressed by the number of people who came out to celebrate this short life. I saw young people trying to make sense of what had happened. I saw adults try to make sense of it all. I saw hundreds of people who were touched by this young woman's life. I enjoyed hearing the stories of this young woman, and it made me think about life, death and resurrection. The most important story told was by the pastor who presided over the service. He told of sitting with her a week before she died knowing the her time was short. Their conversation was beautiful and meaningful and covered what Heaven is like as well as what dying is like. I will hold this conversation between this young woman and my senior pastor in my heart and will be sure to use the analogies that were made as appropriate. At this point, I'm not going to go into the details of it, but it did change the way I view death and dying. (I believe my pastor is going to publish this story in his weekly email. I may link to that or use it as the basis for a future post.)

How do you view death and dying? Have funerals ever made an impact on your life? How has the death of a loved one helped you rethink the way you do life?

Mark

P.S. Just so you know, it helps me to write these things out as I process what had happened this afternoon. How do you best process things in your life? (bonus question)

Sabbath

You know that post a few weeks back with a model for how I would attend to my spiritual life. It's not been something that I have done well at all. I am not good about meditation, although I think it is important. I'm not good about reading my Bible except to plan for lessons. I'm not good about setting aside time for prayer. I don't know why I struggle so much to get into this rhythm. This begs the question: Can I be holy?

The obvious assumption to this question is that setting aside sabbath consisting of the elements listed above is an attempt to be holy. Does prayer, fasting, Bible study, meditation, etc. make a person holy? This isn't usually the kind of question a protestant from the Mid-Western United States typically asks. But it is one that I am asking because quite simply holiness has alluded me my entire life.

The people that I look up to in my life; I wouldn't call holy. The pastors that I have met; I wouldn't call holy. The people who have impressed me by their convictions; I wouldn't call holy. Is holiness a term that can really be applied to humans?

My answer is yes. Humans are holy when they stop trying to be something they are not. People can be holy when they figure out who they are and stop trying to be perfect. People can be holy only when they stop trying to be like God, and acknowledge God for who God is and a person for who the person is. It's not about a mystical connection with the divine, although that doesn't hurt. It's not about the prayers and Bible study. It's not about Sabbath. Sabbath was made for us, not the other way around. Holiness has everything to do with living your life as a human. Recognizing that everyone else is living their lives as humans. Understanding that God is God, and we are not. Understanding that God loves us so much that God squeezed all of God's divinity into a human, so that God would know and understand what it was like to be human.

Being holy isn't about denying your humanness in hopes of becoming divine. Being holy is about embracing your humanness because God loved you so much that God is also embracing your humanness. Being holy is about living your life knowing exactly who you are in relationship to God and others. Embrace your holiness by being human in a world that tells you to be something else. Embrace your holiness by being embraced by God who knows exactly what it means to be holy. Embrace your holiness by seeing others as people who God is embracing out of love. Embrace holiness through prayer, Bible study, meditation, nature hikes, dance, play, lunch with friends, ____________...

How do you embrace holiness?

Shalom,
mark

Four Important Points

I was reading a book about youth ministry called "Starting Right: Thinking Theologically about Youth Ministry" edited by Kenda Creasy Dean, Chap Clark, and Dave Rahn. There is no disguising this book. It is a textbook. It looks like a textbook. It reads like a textbook. I feels like a textbook. It came from a class in Seminary, so really that's no surprise. There is an exercise that asks you to list the most important thing that you would want students to hear you say, or that they should learn from you about God. I decided to start that list.

1. God is for all people, but works to expose the oppression and injustice in this world with love and peace. Although I sympathize with Liberation Theologies, I cannot say that God is only for the oppressed. God is for all people, but it is the oppressed who God reaches out to most. God calls us to engage in society to point out oppression and injustice to bring about God's kingdom here on earth. "Thy kingdom come!"
2. God is always with you! There is no way to get away from God. God is always with you, caring for you, loving you, calling you. God is not passive in your lives, but you have to choose to listen to God's calling for you. This means that you have to spend time immersing yourself in God's very being, which is always around you. "In whom I live and move and have my being." Submerse yourself in this ever present love of God and know and grow in this relationship. Be intentional about diving into God and coming out reflecting God's image to all you meet!
3. Jesus is God incarnate! This has several implication. First, God has been completely human while maintaining Godliness. God has faced everything you will face, temptation, disappointment, pain, suffering, celebration, joy, happiness, anger, etc. God understands what you are going through. Second, your bodies are important. If God cared enough for humanity to actually put on flesh, then your bodies have to be important. Jesus' resurrection was bodily. God didn't leave behind the body. Treat your bodies with care, and love the body type you have. Societal pressures about your body is not true. Be healthy not damaging to your body. Listen to your body. Rest.
4. Through the Holy Spirit, God has uniquely gifted you to make this world a better place. You are called to be in ministry in the world, and you are gifted to do just that. Notice what things come easy to you, and do ministry using those abilities. You can do something others cannot do, so develop those gifts and impact this world in which you live! You can be the difference that this world needs!

This the start of my list. What's yours?

mark

Punk Rock and Christian Concerts

I got some buzz around the sabbath exploration, and I will have more to post on that. First though, I have a little bit of a weird connection between two elements of my life.

Some time late in high school early in college, I began to listen to punk rock. Mostly I listened to ska, but the ska scene of that day which was slowly fading away was merging with the punk rock scene. Thus, I began to listen to and enjoy both. Punk rock has such emotions and struggle with the political climate that they sing angrily about it. I could totally understand. It was a way to voice how helpless they felt in the current social and political climate. I listened to the "diet punk" stuff, which didn't have the same ire, and to the more "hardcore" stuff like Anti-flag.

I have seen Anti-flag twice, and was never very impressed. Here is why. Their music is alright. They aren't my favorite or anything. But they didn't play half their set. First I saw them open for a ska band called Less Than Jake (awesome show by the way). They were pretty alright, but I only heard a couple of their songs. They spent most of their time talking. They complained about the government. They yelled at a security guard for doing his job. They mostly preached to me, and tried to convert me to their ideas. Worse was when I saw them on the Warped Tour. They preached probably 20 minutes of their 30 minute set. It was horrible. I knew we helped trained Osama bin Laden, and I knew why. But I didn't come to the concert to hear about it. I can do my own research. It sucked.

Fast forward to the days of being a youth pastor, which by the way is today. I still enjoy a good angst ridden punk rock tune, but now I tend to go to shows with the teens in my church to contemporary Christian concerts. Here is what I have found. They are the same as an Anti-flag show. Here are a thousand people who came to a Christian show, and we have to do an altar call during and between each set. The people at this show already have done that. Please stop it. I go to a concert for music, which may lead me to live my life differently, not to be told to avoid hell by praying this prayer with the Brooklyn Evangelist. I don't want to be converted at a concert. I want my proverbial socks to be rocked off.

Here is the thing that I have to say to both punk rock bands like Anti-flag, and Christian bands like Third Day. Stop trying to get me to think the way you do with a sermon during the set. Instead, play the music and let it influence the way I see the world. Music is going to almost always be more powerful than simply talking. Write good songs that convey your message whether it is come to Jesus or f@#k the government and let your music do the talking for you.

Thanks and what a strange comparison I just made.

Peace,

mark

The Rhythm of Sabbath

I was struck by an episode of The Simpsons of all things to read/reread a book I have on Buddhism. This book begins by telling about the life of Buddha, and his path to enlightenment. What really struck me about it was the rhythm that this man's life took. His life was a series of engagements and retreats. It starts with retreat where enlightenment occurs, then he goes forth and teaches the insight of an experience that cannot be grasped by language. The book pointed out that his day consisted of engagement with three periods of retreats. Three times a day he would retreat and center himself on his vision which reconnected him with enlightenment.

Then it occurred to me that Jesus in Mark's Gospel does a similiar thing. Jesus was in a constant rhythm of engagement followed by retreat. Often his retreats where crashed by people, but he still would retreat. I believe that there is truly something to this action/reflection model (I know it is a type of research, but this is different). Buddha and Jesus both have intentionally aligned themselves with God's rhythm, although Buddha would not have called it that. This is the rhythm of creation, six days of work and a day of rest. This is the rhythm of Sabbath.

With all of this in mind I have decided to research this more deeply and put it into practice in my daily life. I am going to have three periods of withdrawal for reflection, prayer, meditation, and study each day, one in the morning, one around noon, and one at night. In some of these times I will read about the rhythm of creation in books that I have and will attain. In some sessions I will read scripture and meditate on it. And sometimes I will just pray and meditate where I am without any reading.

I have a little journal that I will be writing in to help me reflect on what I read, and help to focus me when I am struggling to focus. On this blog, I hope to post more about what I learn both from the reflections and from the research that I will be doing. My first re-read is going to be the chapter on Sabbath in Moltmann's book, God in Creation. I am also going to read more on how various religions do this including Buddhism, Islam, and Judaism, as well as look into the orders within the Catholic church and the Eastern Orthodox view on this subject. I'm worried that without an academic library some of this will be hard to find, but that's how it goes. If you have any suggestions about what I should look into be it Christian or otherwise please let me know. What is your experience with retreat and Sabbath? What is your routine?

Peace,
mark